The Saturday Nine

1. What celebrity would you just want to shake some sense into?

Shit, who don't I want to shake?
Let's start with an old favorite:


She's crazy, Brad. C R A Z Y. Nuts. GTFO, and take your genetic kids with you. I'm not saying desert your adopted kids. Just take your blood with you.

2. What do you think comes after death?

Heaven or Hell or Purgatory. I also think that there are unfortunates who are stuck in between. These are called ghosts.


3. What is the first book that you can remember reading by yourself as a child?

Black Beauty. I was obsessed with horses as a kid. I don't remember a time when I could not read. The first memory I have of reading was going to the beach, standing on the front seat of our 88 Oldsmobile (as you did back in the Sixties) and reading the sign on Long Beach Road for the Red and White. I must have been three or four. I did not realize at the time that reading would become one of the passions of my life, and indeed the foundation of my career.

4. What was the first rock concert that you attended?

Rock? Oh, duuude! I truly, truly cannot remember. I daresay I have been to about 300 concerts in my time. One of the first would be Wild Cherry, who I saw in 1975 at the waterfront in Southport, NC at the 4th of July Festival.

I can tell you the best rock concerts I have ever been to: Stabbing Westward, July 1998. That was the first time I ever saw them, and there was a HUGE buildup in Wanda's and my mind. Let me just say there was no disappointment. Ozzfest 08/01 Walnut Creek Pavilion Raleigh, NC, with Tool. Non-rock concert would totally be Steve Martin, August 27th, 1979. The next night he did his last standup show ever. E V A R. It was one of the most perfect nights of my life, honest to God.



5. If you were to suddenly become famous, would you choose a stage name? If yes, what would it be?

I would so totally still be Marisa Bryant English. If you could imagine how many times I have dreamed that name on the cover of a published novel, you'd understand.



6. What is the one thing that you wish the media would stop talking about?

Freaking Swine Flu, or H1N1. It's always something, like Rosanne Rosannadanna used to say.

7. If you could be part of any band, which one would it be and who would you be and why?

Well. we'd have to reform Stabbing Westward and I would totally be Chris Hall.



8. Do you live close to your immediate family members? If not, how far away are they?

I live next door to my momma, daddy, sister, and aunt. My parents and my aunt are all in their eighties and need our help. My sister lives with my parents and helps take care of them, which is a debt I can never repay to her.

9. Last seasonal question (promise): What did you do on New Year's Eve?

I played a VERY bad game of



Andy whipped my ass and everyone else's, but he cheated.