Friday, December 31, 2010

Friday Five, the Final 2010 edition

2010 is almost over.


I would enter a sound file here, but I am too lazy.

1. Name one thing you do everyday:

Tell someone that I love them. I have experienced losing a very close loved one when we had just had an argument, so this is of utmost importance to me. You never know if you might not see that person again.

2. Name two things you wish you could learn.

Math and how to be tidy. I am retarded at math (ask anyone) and a huge slob. Not nasty. Just a slob. Clothes everywhere. Mail everywhere. Everything everywhere. I don't have time to be neat. If I was able to stay at home, then yeah. But not with my job.

3. Name three things that remind you of your childhood:

TV and music from the 70's, the smell of pipe tobacco, and Summer.

4. Name four things you love to eat but rarely do.


Lobster, fried shrimp, macaroni and cheese, and fried bay scallops. Screw those huge ocean scallops.

5. Name five things that make you feel good.


The sun on my head, the sound of the ocean, digging my toes into beach sand, waking up in my camper, a hot shower when you're cold, and a good meal.
I like to think of myself as a non-violent person. But when I get angry, I revert to my reptilian brain, and I need to slap someone.


It's usually someone who can really press my buttons. Someone who knows me well enough to know exactly what will piss me off the most.

Today it's my son.

He messed around and did not register for next semester. Now he has to...wait, I'll have to hustle him up so he can register and pay Monday morning. I have nagged him since November to register, and he gave me that "I will! I will! Gah!" Then it turned to "I did already!" When I asked what classes or how many hours so I could pay the bill, he demurred and always said "I don't remember."


Color me suspicious.

Finally, my Daddy got after him. I relayed the message to His Majesty that his grandfather requested an audience with him, regarding his Further Higher Education. Great drama ensues. I go to play with my E Reader for a while. Time passes. I went in his room and he is fervently on line trying to register for classes. Ah ha! The worm turns. So, after some back and forthing, seems he will not be able to register until January 3rd, when the school opens again. The last day to pay for classes is January 4th. Oh ho! What an extended time frame we have to work with!

Then today...

I went into his room and asked him for a Hershey Kiss, of which my sister gave him several bags for Christmas. He was sitting at that damn World of Warcraft and he looks at me like "NO." But he said "Why?"

Why do you think? I didn't say that, but I said "Can I please have a Kiss?"

He sat there and mocked my expression, blinking at me and turning his head around like a girl. Then he ignored me. Look, I cannot stand for someone to make me feel stupid, and this 18 year old snip of my DNA was making me feel stupid. Yes, yes, yes, I know that no one can make me feel ANY way, that I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul, blah blah...but we're still human. And he is in the Button Pusher category. I just said "You know, you're mean. Let me know how this being mean crap works out for you.", and I went out the door and slammed the Hell out of it.


I guess I need to reel it in. But dammit, have some respect and some gratitude. You live in your own room with anything you want, you drive a car and you know as long as you go to school and make decent grades you won't have to work.

Yeah, he's spoiled. He's an only child on purpose. (We knew it would be impossible to send multiple kids to college, so we made the conscious decision that one kid was enough. And I didn't want any more kids.) Not to mention the fact that he is an only grandchild, which is even worse than being an only child. So he's rotten. But he has manners and knows what is polite and impolite. I guess it's just safe to be a jackass to people who won't reject you.

I see so much of who I used to be in him. I wish he could stop and think like it took me years to do and correct these kinds of behavior that I used to foist on other people. We have to reach a point where we realize it isn't everybody else in the world that's being a douche to us: we're the douche.

Monday, December 27, 2010

A "Five". Screw the day of the week...

1.When you’re sick in bed, do you prefer to be left alone or to be taken care of?

leave me alone
Leave. me. alone. Until I call for you. They you better move like that ass is on fire.

2.How difficult or cooperative are you as a patient?

Oh, my God, I am compliant. Give me drugs, give me shots, give me an IV if you must, just get me better.

3.It’s just a really bad cold so all you can do is ride it out. What are your strategies?

Usually I go to work. This way I get more bang for my buck...or virus, as it were, and I can knock a few kids out with it! Ah, I jest. Being diabetic and having a kid with a disease that requires regular doctor visits, I can't squander my sicks days. so I soldier on.

4.How ill do you have to feel in order to shut it down for the day?

Really? Well, it depends. If it's been a long long stretch with no vacation days, I might have to jet for a small thing. Usually though, I've had a doctor's appointment or my son has (and his are at Duke, so it's a major gotta-get-out-and -go-type thing) in the recent past, so I am cool. Now, back before I started teaching the academically gifted kids...hell, I could be having a bad hair day.

5.Waves of nausea are washing over you and through you. Do you fight them off, or do you just throw up to get it over with?

Oh, God, go ahead and shout Europe at the sink. Why stave off the inevitable? I've always been an easy puker. Lately, though, I will try and try and it just won't happen for me. I guess since last March's Barfest 2010 my body figures I've had enough vomiting for the year.


The above is really needed in my home. Usually one or the other kitty (and you can tell which one by the...expulsion) will have a hurk in the morning as I go to work and I am too late to clean it up. I need a tent sign to put over it 'til afternoon.

Oh my God...

Has it really been that long?

hair band

Yes, yes it has.

I am ashamed at myself for not doing any writing. Let's just put it this way: my health has gone to Hell this year, I have a new teaching position at my old school which is less taxing but involved a (get ready for a term I REALLY HATE) 'learning curve'(spits). There. So I've made my half-assed excuses, now we can move on.

Look. I'm not going to scoot to the edge of my chair and clap my hands over my knees and say "SO much has happened!" because of course it has but not a whole lot of it was that noteworthy. The holiday season has come and, for all of my own intents and purposes, has gone. I have not published a damn thing even though people bring it up with some regularity. I have become friends with new people and become disenchanted with others. My mother and father are in poorer and poorer health, which makes my sister more and more anxious and consequently, more and more bitchy towards me. I am cutting it off there because it's starting to get involved and draw blood and I did not intend to go there.

As I type there are six inches of alien snow on the ground here in SE North Carolina, more than I have seen in many years. I have been hibernating all day but tomorrow I must venture out as the cats are bereft of canned food and it's really pretty excrutiating to live with then when they are. They are rotten and won't eat the dry. I was in a store the other day and saw a pet food place mat that said it perfectly. One circle on the mat had "FOOD" written under it. The other said "NASTY DRY CRAP". Speaking of cats, my sister bought them cat nip toys for Christmas. Now Oliver could give a rat's, you feel me? But ZOOEY...! Well, who knew? Absolutely embarassing. She'll be on Kitty Rehab for sure this coming spring.

I go back to work January 3rd. That means I have to start getting up at 5 am January 4th. I neglected to tell you that school starts an hour earlier this year. Yes, we get out an hour earlier as well, but somehow I wind up staying as late as I did before anyway. I won't even go into the trauma induced December 1st when I had to put on a five-school Forensics tournament...

Monday, April 5, 2010

El Lay

You know, I really miss Los Angeles. It's been ten years since I was last out there.

I miss the unspeakable beauty of the mountains running into the sea, the irrefutable difference from the land scape of North Carolina, the white houses perched on the sides of hills and mountains, tall skinny palms and short shaggy palms and monkey puzzle trees and flowers everywhere. Hell, I kinda even miss the acrid smell of smog. What I don't miss is traffic, tooting horns, and the distinct feeling that if you ain't somebody, you're nobody. Of course, this comes from hanging around in Beverly Hills and such, stargazing. Still...

I'd like to take my son out to LA for his graduation in June. He's never been on a plane, much less out West before. He would love it. He's a lot like I always was: kind of a fish out of water in this town. Although I love my home and defend it regularly against the attacks of others, I can see their point. I'd live at the beach if it wasn't for my folks. But even then, Fayetteville would always be home.

We've got a week off from school, and it could not have come at a better time. The students were so restless and tired, so were the teachers. It's only Monday and I am already dreading going back.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Not another week already...

Well, here we go loopty-loo. It's time for another week.

My nerves are SHOT. Tripp was having a a hard time trying to back the camper up into a small place, and it got to me so bad that I sat down on the doorstep and had a cry. I know: I have a real live diagnosed problem with depression and anxiety, but come on! I am sure it has to do with going to work tomorrow. I just can't seem to get these kids to take their education seriously. And every time I turn around I am being told that my test scores are all that matter when the rubber hits the road. AND if I want to keep my job. *sigh*.

On a lighter note, today I noticed that our camper was originally bought at an RV Dealer called "Long View". My beach house that we had for 33 years was named Long View. It made me smile to see that. There's even a little picture of a light house on the sticker, and my house was less that 1/4th mile from Oak Island Light house. May seem silly, but it kind of made my day afterwards.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

1. Are you a morning person?

Oh HELL no.

In the past I was: I could get up at any hour after going to bed late, spring right up, take a shower and go on. Now days, I can go to bed at nine o 'clock (like I did last night) and still get up at 11:30 in the morning.

2. Tell us of a news story that truly shocked you.

well, there have been a lot but I will use the one that was most recent. Read about it today. A mildly mentally handicapped 30 year old woman asked her parents if she could stay the night at her friend "Peggy's house". The next morning she was stuffed into a trash can in the parking lot of a middle school. She had been force-fed spices, detergent, vegetable oil, different medications and urine. Her head had been shaved and painted with nail polish. She was beaten with a vacuum cleaner hose and a towel bar, forced to write a fake suicide note, then stabbed to death. The six beasts who perpetrated this monstrosity then put a bag over her head, wrapped her arms and limbs against her body with Christmas lights they snatched from a neighbor's apartment balcony, stuffed her in the trash can and shoved her under a truck parked at the school.

She had the mentality of a 12 year old. She was excited that she had new 'friends'.

Yeah. That made me shocked. It also made me furious.

3. What was your very first job?

Ah! A lighter subject. I got my first job in the fall of 1982 working at Best Products, Inc. Best was a "catalog showroom", a concept where there was only one representative of an item on the floor. If you wanted it, you filled out a ticket and the salesperson rang the sale and send the order up a pneumatic tube to the upstairs warehouse. Items were picked by a warehouse person and sent down a roller belt to the front, where you picked it up. Complex, eh? I worked in department 03, which was household and camera. I usually worked camera. I bought my first 35 mm SLR there; a Canon AE-1 Program. It was the hottest thing going then. I still have it, but it has shutter problems. I'll never get rid of it.

4. What characteristics do you despise?

Downright meaness. Cruelty. Selfishness. Rudeness. General obnoxiousness.

5. To where would you retire?

Oak Island NC. If I go anywhere when I retire, it will be there. I have asked that my ashes be scattered off the end of Yaupon Beach Pier, or whatever the name of it is now. It was my favorite place on earth, but it's kind of hard now. There's no campground anymore and it's too painful. If I knew I was back to stay, it would be okay. I'll never be in the old house again,

but I would be back. It wouldn't hurt as much as it still does.

6. Are you named after anyone?

Oh, GOD. My middle name is unspeakable. Lanita. Ugh. My aunt saw it on the end credits of the old Jackie Gleason show that used to be broadcast from Miami. One of The June Taylor Dancers. She thought it was the most beautiful name she ever heard. She talked my mother into naming me that. So I am cursed.

7. How do you release anger?

Unfortunately, usually on someone. Then I have to apologize. Driving is good, though, and listening to metal. Driving and listening to metal is best.

8. Do you use sarcasm a lot?





No, Seriously, would I do something like use sarcasm?

9. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

My temper. My diabetes. My weight. My shyness. Oh, it was only supposed to be one, wasn't it?

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Friday Five - Snow storm edition

1. What is your favorite blanket like?

Oh, my favorite blankie. I don't have a real blankie like my friend Amy does.

I do have a blanket made from sweatshirt material I got as a freebie at a credit union conference in Las Vegas. It's gray and has a corner embroidered with some stupid credit union team building crap. It's soft and fuzzy.

2. What was the last thing you baked?

French onion soup. I cooked it on the stove for while I baked some French bread I got at Aldi's. I baked the bread until it was really hard and crispy; it was whole wheat with flax seeds. YUM. Then I floated it on the onion soup, covered it with slices of Swiss cheese, and baked it until the cheese melted. Labor intensive, but good. Bryant and I ate off of it twice.

3.What television personality gets you most hot and bothered?

DAVE RAMSEY. Oh my GOD he pisses me off. What is so great about never having to pay a bill again? I especially hate when people call in to gloat about being debt free. Yeah, eat beans and weenies for five years. And what happens at the end of those five years if you have a heart attack and die? I learned when I fell that you better not waste a day, an hour, a minute of your life. It might be the last one you ever get.

4. ,When did you last burn yourself?

I burned the living shit out of the skin between my thumb and first finger on a hot glue gun last year getting ready for school to start. Blistered like a bitch.

5. What are your feelings about hot sauce?

Like it in some stuff. I use:

no other. I put it in oyster stew, egg salad, pimentocheese, sometimes macaroni and cheese.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Saturday Nine

1. Did you ever think that you'd be a star? If yes, doing what?

Oh my God, YES. At least I hoped I would be. I wanted to write movies when I was in 7th grade and act in them. I also had a burning desire to be a stand up comedian. This was back int he late 70's and Steve Martin was my idol. I used to watch TV and look at the LA-scape in the background of all the action and think "One day, I will be there! " I dreamed about, put it away and dreamed in my sleep about it. It wasn't until I was over 30 that I went to Los Angeles and had an absolute blast. I hope to take my son next year after he graduates from high school. He';s a writer, too, and he just needs to see it. See his Mamma's old dream of fame and fortune.

2. Tell us about the last time you had a romantic dinner.

Hmmmm...I am going to go out on a limb and say every dinner I have had with Tripp has been a romantic dinner. We've had our share of arguments, some down right blister-raisers, but for the most part we've had a very happy marriage. So, my last romantic dinner would be at home tonight, having fried cod, hush puppies, and fries. We watched "I Survived" and lamented the things the people feature had to go through.

3. Tell us about your worst job interview.

I'll tell you about one that I thought was my best but didn't get me the job: how about that? A few years back I interviewed with a principal at an early college. It was a fantastic position and I was really "on" for the whole interview. I was witty, the principal was a kindred soul and "got" me, we had laughs and got along famously. I felt super when I left the place.

And time passed.

And I heard nothing.

And I sent a thank you note.

And I heard nothing.

Then I got an email telling me the position had been filled. Crash. Burn. Repeat ad nauseum. Rejection's rough when you've got clinical depression.

4. Tell us about your stupidest date.

Actually, I've not had that many, No, seriously. Could be the time I went to a guy's house to see him because he was grounded (ha ha ha ha HAAAAAA!). Could be when Tripp took me out to run around on Highland Country Club's golf course in the dark. My night vision is seriously bad and I was tripping and stumbling what time I was not cautiously tip-toeing around.

5. How much in common do you think you should have with a romantic partner?

Well, I almost think having TOO much is detrimental. Tripp and I are very different, but we sort of have the same sense of humor. As far as interests go, he loves his HAM radio and his electronics, I love my books and writing. And never the twain shall meet, I suppose. But it's been working for the last 21 married years, and three single ones before that.

6. Tell us about a favorite meme that you loved but no longer posts.


but I also love

7. How did you get into blogging?

I used to belong to some USEnet groups and a mailing list or two, but when Livejournal came around I got hooked on it. It was a more personal format and I was able to control who my readership was, etc. I've been on the internet since 1994 and I've had some sort of journal presence since about 1999.

8. Do you share all your fantasies with a significant other?

Hell no! They wouldn't really be fantasies anymore! HA!

9. What change in your life would you like to happen this year?

Oh, God. Less stress. More peace. A better teacher. A better momma/wife/daughter. Better control over the two diseases that control me: diabetes and depression/anxiety.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Saturday Nine

1. Has anyone in your life talked in their sleep?
talking sleep

Oh, God. Tripp and I both do. Tripp says hilarious stuff, and you can draw him into conversations by asking him questions. VERY entertaining.

2. What do you like about fall?

The colors of the leaves. The crisp air. Chilly beaches, memories of pulling in the net at Caswell Beach and finding it full of spots.

3. Do you have an addictive personality?

Terribly so! I will get on kicks of eating certain things and I'll eat it every day or every couple of days for weeks. I get in little crazes about something and I'll find out every possible thing I can about them. It's a miracle I never got addicted to anything really illicit, I guess!

4. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?

My husband Tripp. He made me pancakes twice this week. :)

5. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?

I have, and it was absolutely the worst thing I could have done. Therefor, I would find it very difficult to do it again, but if it were Tripp...I'd feel awfully betrayed, but I probably would. Feb. 11 we will have been married 21 years. It would be wrong to throw that away.

6. Are you happy with where you are in life?
Eh...I guess. Without going into a lot of detail here, I'd like to move on to a high school English position next year.I have a friend and even a relative at Terry Sanford High, which is where Bryant is graduating from next June. I'd love to teach there.

7. Do you believe that you can change someone?

Not entirely. Believing you can change someone to make them a suitable mate is ridiculous. But it is possible that people will change by being influenced by someone, good or bad. I've seen it happen with good kids who get involved with bad ones. I've also seen it go the other way, happily.

8. Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?

Yes. Leave it at that............wha'd you have to bring THAT up for? Geez.

9. Would you ever fight someone over your significant other?
How, as in a battle over his affection? NO. I might beat some ho. But not so he could sit back and gloat and go "That's right, ladies. There's enough to go around!" Now, to protect him? Oh yes. I'll fight someone to protect anyone I love, and we know I'll always cuss somebody out for someone I love.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Saturday Nine

1. What celebrity would you just want to shake some sense into?

Shit, who don't I want to shake?
Let's start with an old favorite:

She's crazy, Brad. C R A Z Y. Nuts. GTFO, and take your genetic kids with you. I'm not saying desert your adopted kids. Just take your blood with you.

2. What do you think comes after death?

Heaven or Hell or Purgatory. I also think that there are unfortunates who are stuck in between. These are called ghosts.

3. What is the first book that you can remember reading by yourself as a child?

Black Beauty. I was obsessed with horses as a kid. I don't remember a time when I could not read. The first memory I have of reading was going to the beach, standing on the front seat of our 88 Oldsmobile (as you did back in the Sixties) and reading the sign on Long Beach Road for the Red and White. I must have been three or four. I did not realize at the time that reading would become one of the passions of my life, and indeed the foundation of my career.

4. What was the first rock concert that you attended?

Rock? Oh, duuude! I truly, truly cannot remember. I daresay I have been to about 300 concerts in my time. One of the first would be Wild Cherry, who I saw in 1975 at the waterfront in Southport, NC at the 4th of July Festival.
I can tell you the best rock concerts I have ever been to: Stabbing Westward, July 1998. That was the first time I ever saw them, and there was a HUGE buildup in Wanda's and my mind. Let me just say there was no disappointment. Ozzfest 08/01 Walnut Creek Pavilion Raleigh, NC, with Tool. Non-rock concert would totally be Steve Martin, August 27th, 1979. The next night he did his last standup show ever. E V A R. It was one of the most perfect nights of my life, honest to God.


5. If you were to suddenly become famous, would you choose a stage name? If yes, what would it be?

I would so totally still be Marisa Bryant English. If you could imagine how many times I have dreamed that name on the cover of a published novel, you'd understand.


6. What is the one thing that you wish the media would stop talking about?

Freaking Swine Flu, or H1N1. It's always something, like Rosanne Rosannadanna used to say.

7. If you could be part of any band, which one would it be and who would you be and why?

Well. we'd have to reform Stabbing Westward and I would totally be Chris Hall.


8. Do you live close to your immediate family members? If not, how far away are they?

I live next door to my momma, daddy, sister, and aunt. My parents and my aunt are all in their eighties and need our help. My sister lives with my parents and helps take care of them, which is a debt I can never repay to her.

9. Last seasonal question (promise): What did you do on New Year's Eve?

I played a VERY bad game of


Andy whipped my ass and everyone else's, but he cheated.

Friday, January 1, 2010


Man, I never imagined being in this year.

When I was a kid, I used to think about 2000, and marvel at how I'd be 36 on that fateful New Year's eve. I used to ponder who would still be alive; never considering who would be new in the world, like my own son.

I didn't even get crazy last night, and I slept from about 3 AM to 12. I fell back asleep when Tripp took a nap about 3 PM and slept 'til six. I guess my Hell-raising days are behind me now!

I have not made any resolutions. Really never have. I hope this year is better. I plan on visiting a psychiatrist this year to get on the right drug or mix of drugs to straighten me out once and for all. What had worked for a long time is no longer helpful. I've been dealing with emotional illness, depression, and anxiety disorder for over twenty years and I don't intend to spend the rest of whatever time I have left feeling the same ways.I owe it to myself and my family (especially my son).